


Palpatine dies: the fanfiction

by Anewhope303



Series: Palpatine fucking dies: the saga [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Fix It, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Happy Ending, Manipulative Sheev Palpatine, Palpatine dies, Palpatine fucking sucks, Platonic Relationships, Profanity, Queerplatonic Relationships, Where did all this fluff come from?, can you tell I have a bromantic crush on Obi wan?, cause there’s no way Obi wan “flirts with everyone he meets kenobi”is straight, he doesn’t quite do it for me but he is magnificent, less cracky than the last crack fic but still insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29503101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anewhope303/pseuds/Anewhope303
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tinWe all wanna see this fucker get dropped, so here’s 1000+ words to satisfy our collective desire
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Sheev Palpatine/death
Series: Palpatine fucking dies: the saga [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2167167
Comments: 11
Kudos: 48





	Palpatine dies: the fanfiction

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all like this! I wrote it in an hour so cut me some slack if it has issues.
> 
> If you like avatar the last airbender and crack, check out my other crackfic, “Avatar toph doesn’t fuck around” (still figuring out links) I think it’s better than this one honestly 
> 
> *edit* cherryspider suggested you listen to "my heart will go on" while reading, so do that
> 
> Now, on with the show 😉

It was just another space Tuesday in the galactic senate. 

Chancellor Palpatine was walking down his swanky private fleet of stairs that connects his floaty senate chamber thing to his even more ornate private office to have a meeting with  ~~ his future apprentice ~~ General Skywalker, this time without the meddlesome influence of the boy’s 2 “shoulder angels”, Senator Amidala and General Kenobi, before they left together to look at some purple shit float around in a bubble while further seducing him to the dark side.

Anakin talked about those 2 waaaaaay more than was necessary to create an incentive for the dark side if one of their lives were to come under a “dubious future threat that required the blood of younglings to resolve”, and to be honest for once in his decrepit corrupt life, it was getting on his last fucking nerve.

If he had to listen to him whine about how Obi Wan “doesn’t understand him cause he’s just SO perfect and blah blah blah” one more time, Palpatine might just decide that “the chosen one” isn’t worth the effort.

And Padme, while he had initially been all for the young Jedi’s crush and subsequent marriage to the senator because having him go behind the order’s back and betray the code like that would sow seeds of distrust for the Jedi council and make the eventual seduction to the dark side easier, with the added bonus of possibly driving a wedge between him and his precious father/brother/master/bestfriend Obi Wan, he changed mind when he saw that the union had resulted in increased emotional stability for the man.

It’s almost like having 2 stable relationships with people who love and care about him made it significantly harder for Palpatine to convince him that everything in the galaxy except his good old friend the chancellor was out to get him.

Well, never mind that.

The war was almost over, and the death of Count Dooku had gone a long way in lulling the republic forces into a false sense of security. 

He just sent some nightmares of Padme dying in childbirth to Anakin last night, so when they went on their weird little date he could drop some hints about possible immortality from the dark side and then cash in on 16 years of careful child manipulation.

Oh yeah. It was all coming together.

The Jedi will all die! 

The galaxy would finally be his! 

He could stop pretending to “love democracy” and rule with a space iron fist!

He could finally use his maniacal laugh out loud!

He would never have to see or hear about Obi Wan Kenobi’s stupid beautiful face ever again!

Everything was going according to plan.

Then he fucking tripped on his fancy chancellor robe, fell down the stairs and broke his old man neck and died.

Meanwhile, in the dead Chancellor’s office, Anakin and Obi Wan, who hadn’t left to go looking for his 4th or 5th worst enemy General Grievous yet, were chatting while Obi Wan stroked his magnificent beard in concentration.

(of course he came with him, their fucking attached at the hip and Obi Wan had recently concluded the the chancellor, or “that duplicitous fucker Palpatine” to use his own words, had failed the “vibe check of the force” and there was no way in any of the sith hells that he was going to let his former padawan/best friend/brother/son near him without supervision)

“Anakin, when was the last time you slept? You look terrible”

“Last night, master. Why do you care? We’re fighting a literal war here”

“You know I worry, you might be a strong and wise Jedi but you’ll always be my padawan”

“Wait a second, I felt a great disturbance in the force just now…...it’s as if a million Star Wars fans cried out, in relief”

“Hmm…..(insert magnificent beard stroke) we better go check on the chancellor”

They threw open the private doors using the force, and found one very dead chancellor lying at the steps. 

“Chancellor Palpatine? Chancellor Palpatine, can you respond” Anakin seemed distressed at his confidante's death.

“Oh my fucking god he fucking dead” said a very un distressed Obi Wan.

“Oh no! What will the galaxy do without its leader?”

“Well, I imagine they’ll elect your wife in his place”

“That’s great….hey wait a minute how did you know about that! We’re great at hiding it!”

“Anakin, you were making out with her right in front of me like, a week ago and you’ve blown off 7 meditation retreats to hang out at her apartment. It’s pretty obvious to anyone with a fucking brain what you two are up to. Don’t worry, I love you (unrelated homo) enough to not tell the council”

“Well then, I should probably tell you that she’s pregnant”

“Also knew that, you probably shouldn’t run around yelling “my wife is pregnant, she’s gonna have a baby!!!” In a wide empty corridor with an echo. Anyway, gonna name one of them after me?”

“Wait, one of them? How do you know we’re having twins?”

“Last time I saw Padme I felt 3 force signatures in one body. They feel very strong too, congratulations, Anakin”

“On second thought, I think I do need a nap”

And so Anakin went home, secure in the knowledge that even if his good friend Palpatine was dead, he could always fall back on Obi Wan. He told Padme that everything was going to be fine now, and the three of them took an extended vacation to Naboo to paint the nursery.

The senate was dismayed at the death of its leader, but once the separatist forces suspiciously fell apart a week after the chancellor died, and then security footage of him putting on a black cloak and talking to a holo of general grievous commanding him to do a bunch of evil shit, The galaxy put 2 and 2 together.

The clones were discharged and given their own planet to live on for their service 

The senate promoted Padme to the office of chancellor to oversee the peacetime transition, and when her term was up she graciously stepped aside because she really does love democracy and is one of the only good politicians (according to Obi Wan, of course)

The council eventually made Anakin a master, and once Obi wan and him presented a slideshow titled “why recruiting children and not letting them from healthy attachments is fucking stupid and Should have backfired on us by now” to the council, they loosened the restrictions on attachments so Anakin also became first man of the republic.

Luke and Leia were born safely and grew up to be a great senator and Jedi respectively.

And everyone except for Palpatine lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I haven’t seen revenge of the Sith in 2 months so this may be a little inaccurate  
> \- the (unrelated homo) thing is something I do with my friend Jess, we’re both bisexual but just not for each other, and I think anakin and Obi wan would do the same thing  
> \- yes I referenced hishe revenge of the Sith, yes that’s where I got inspired.
> 
> I hoped you all enjoyed, please leave a kudos and comment with something you liked, something I should do better, or just anything I crave validation so please support your local fix it fic dealer


End file.
